The Joiners Tale – or the lace and finery of the humble man

It was about two years ago, the point at which I realised the building industry was going 'boom' crazy. It was the moment when the first joiner, first of many that is, walked into my office wearing a drop dead minimalist dark grey Armani suit.

He’d sent me a quote for a couple of sliding doors and 50 square metres of parquet. When the fax arrived I wasn’t even shocked by the figure, I naturally assumed he’d made an error. After assuring me on the phone that he hadn’t added an extra zero by mistake or he wasn't offering me a luxury bright yellow car worthy of Jeremy Clarkson, I suggested we had a meeting to go through the figures together.

Now, you might say what’s wrong with a joiner wanting to dress up smart when he’s not on site. You might have a point. Maybe on a scale of Political Correctness it comes way down at the bottom to assume that just because of the job they do, certain people can’t once in a while dress smart. It’s was certainly more aesthetically pleasing than the extremely hirsute stone mason that turned up mid-week to sign a contract, fresh from an energetic summer tennis match still in damp shorts, armless string vest and multiple multicoloured sweat bands (that somehow had not quite fulfilled their purpose). I hope you’re getting the mental picture there of what string vest, curly body hair and sweat add up to. Would you have signed?

Somehow you have to look the part. At least make an excuse why you’re out of character. The joiner could have told me he was on his way to a wedding, or a funeral or even that he had the lead role in an amateur dramatic production of The Godfather and I might have been slightly less taken aback.
It even occurred to me that maybe he might have been influenced by rumours that certain builders put about concerning the sexuality of architects (male ones that is)– especially English architects (thank you Edith Cresson). I had this vision of him saying to his spotty faced and pierced sawdust covered apprentices ‘Hey you guys see you later, gotta meet an architect about a job – I’ll just slip out of this overall into something black and sexy’.

Anyway, needless to say, the prices didn’t budge, justified presumably by the joiners high dry cleaning overheads, and the contract wasn’t signed.

All of which is what, in part, explains why The Architect has been investing heavily in woodworking tools.

And, why The Client has had to be so patient.